


confidence is key

by liveinfury



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 04:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19191955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveinfury/pseuds/liveinfury
Summary: "You guys should totally go out,” Spezz says, frantically. “Can you imagine, my two best friends dating?”“Um, that’s-” Tyler starts to reply.“Oh, shit. I’m late, I’ll see you guys later!” Jamie yells, cutting Tyler off so he doesn’t have to hear an uncomfortable rejection.(or the college AU where Jamie thinks he's an awkward mess and Tyler has zero chill about his feelings)





	confidence is key

**Author's Note:**

> big BIG thanks to [hatrickane aka Katy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionwhiskey/pseuds/hatrickane) for beta-ing this fic!!

Jamie thought going to college would allow him to finally be himself. He was wrong.

He’s always had this idea of who he is: funny, albeit a bit shy; talkative after he gets to know someone; kind, and single. 

In reality, kind and single are the only two things he’s got going for him. Jamie assumed he’d grow out of this awkward phase once he graduated high school. He thought he’d go to college far from home where everyone’s new and out of their element and make some close friends. 

It was easier said than done. He’s a few weeks into his junior year at the University of Dallas and he’s learned to perfect the art of blending in. He minds his own business and does what’s asked of him. 

And he’s still kind, and still very much single.

\-------------------

Jamie stays out on the ice a while after his rec team leaves. They rented the rink until three but most of them started taking off only a half hour into practice. He makes the most out of the time he has left and tries shooting at different angles. 

After scoring on practically a 180 degree angle, someone starts clapping. Jamie snaps his neck up and sees Tyler Seguin, captain of their college hockey team and a friend of his roommate, celebrating Jamie’s goal.

Jamie retrieves the puck and gathers the rest of his things to make his way off the ice. He figures the other hockey team probably booked the rink next and he doesn’t want an audience.

“You’re amazing!” Tyler says as soon as Jamie steps on solid ground.

“Thanks,” Jamie says, ducking his head.

“Seriously, Jamie. How did I not know you played?”

Jamie tries to answer but Tyler has never spoken to him alone before. He only knows Tyler because of his roommate, Spezz. Jamie isn’t friends with Tyler or anything, but he does see him on occasion when he stops by their room every now and then.

“Why aren’t you on the school team? Did you try out?” Tyler asks, stepping closer to Jamie.

Jamie shrugs. “Wasn’t feeling it.”

In all honesty, he didn’t try out this year or even the years before because jocks intimidate him. His rec team is filled with older guys who have wives, real-life jobs, and mortgages to pay. There’s less pressure and more emphasis on fun then collegiate hockey.

“Well, you should talk to coach and see if it’s not too late. There’s plenty of spots still on the team and you’re really good,” Tyler says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He’s looking up at Jamie with wide eyes and a pout. “Please tell me you play left wing?”

Jamie nods slightly. Technically he’s played every position besides goalie on the rec team, and that includes left wing. Not everyone can always make it to a game so he tends to sub in wherever if necessary.

“Nice! We’re weak on the left, dude. And you’re big too, I bet you’re a fucking monster on the ice,” Tyler says, clapping a hand on Jamie’s shoulder and squeezing it.

Jamie blushes. “Um, I dunno…” he trails off.

“At least think about it?”

“Alright,” Jamie agrees tentatively. His answer will probably stay the same but apparently he can’t deny Tyler anything when he smiles at him like that.

Jamie’s thing for guys with tattoos is truly unfortunate. 

***

Spezz barges into their room without so much as a knock. 

Jamie’s shirtless, hauling up his pants in a panic.

“His forearm is so weak, dude,” Spezz says with someone following closely behind him. “You should talk to him about it.”

“I already tried, but I don’t think he g-” Tyler says, bumping into Spezz’s back. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi?” Jamie squeaks out.

“Benny! Are you wearing slacks?” Spezz asks. 

“Yeah,” he mumbles as he finishes zipping up his pants and pulls on a button up shirt. He glances over to see Spezz lounging on his bed and Tyler still standing in the same spot he had been, staring at Jamie’s bare chest. Jamie spins around so his back faces Tyler and continues to button up his shirt. He may play a sport routinely, but he’s got a big build and a lot of baby fat just kinda hanging around. Tyler, on the other hand, is toned and hot. Jamie feels a bit uncomfortable even being in the same room as him.

“Ooh, got a hot date tonight?” Spezz asks, sitting up and wagging his eyebrows. “Is it the guy you were ‘studying’ with last night?”

“I don’t have a date,” Jamie replies as he’s finished buttoning up his shirt. He walks over to his bedside table and picks up his cologne, sprays a few times and sets it back down. “My family’s in town, remember? I have dinner with them.”

“Okay, but, like, I saw how the dude was staring at you yesterday. You should totally got for it,” Spezz says.

Tyler finally manages to move and sits next to Spezz on his bed. He’s staring intently at the tiled floor that’s covered in dust and gum wrappers.

“Nah, not really my type,” Jamie says.

“What’s your type?” Tyler asks. He clamps his mouth shut as soon as the words leave his mouth as if he blurted them out without meaning to. 

“Uh, dunno,” Jamie responds. He can feel himself starting to blush so he looks around for his phone to make a quick exit. He still has twenty minutes before he’s supposed to meet up with his family, but he doesn’t mind chilling in the lobby if it means he can avoid being awkward around Tyler.

Spezz gasps loudly as Jamie finally finds his phone. “Dude! Tyler’s bi!”

Jamie freezes while in the process of pocketing his phone. “Um, okay?”

It isn’t any news to him. He’s seen Tyler flirt and cozy up with a plethora of people over the last year Jamie’s known him, all very handsome or beautiful, and all extremely out of Jamie’s league.

“And you’re gay! You guys should totally go out,” Spezz says, frantically. “Can you imagine, my two best friends dating?”

“Um, that’s-” Tyler starts to reply.

“Oh, shit. I’m late, I’ll see you guys later!” Jamie yells, cutting Tyler off so he doesn’t have to hear an uncomfortable rejection.

***

A few days later, Jamie’s cramming for a test in the library when someone plops down on the seat across from him.

“Jameson, hi,” Tyler whispers.

Jamie freezes. “Uh, hi.”

“Whatcha studying?” Tyler asks, pulling out a history textbook from his backpack.

“Anthropology,” Jamie says.

“Mind if I join you?” Tyler asks after already pulling out his books and a pen.

“Yes,” Jamie says, deadpan.

Tyler stops shuffling his things around and looks up at Jamie. “Oh, sorry I thought-”

Jamie breaks into a smile and says, “I’m kidding. You can join me.”

Tyler’s shoulders slump in relief. “Man, you’ve got a good poker face. You should come by next time we play!”

“We?”

“The team,” Tyler answers. “That you’ll be a part of soon enough.”

Jamie clears his throat. “I, um. Look, Tyler. It was nice of you to ask and I’m flattered you think I’m good, but I just don’t think I’d fit in. The whole athlete thing isn’t my scene.”

“We’re nothing like a frat house if that’s what you’re thinking,” Tyler says. “Everyone’s super chill and fun. We don’t go crazy with the partying and stuff.”

Jamie’s still not convinced. He looks at Tyler apologetically. “Sorry.”

“I’ll just have to change your mind then,” Tyler says with a smile. “We’re throwing a party next Saturday. You should come and see for yourself.”

“I don’t know-”

“Please?” Tyler asks, pouting.

Jamie almost says yes to that face, but it doesn’t work when he remembers who he is. “I’m too awkward.” He didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“No, you’re not,” Tyler says.

“I just, I’m not good with social settings. I wouldn’t know anyone and I suck at small talk.”

“You’ll know me!” Tyler exclaims a little too loudly. “And Spezz will be there too.”

When Jamie still isn’t convinced, Tyler reaches over and gets a grip on Jamie’s forearm. “I’ll stick with you the whole night and introduce you to everyone. We can leave the second you feel uncomfortable.”

Jamie glances down at Tyler’s hand wrapped around his arm. “Fine,” he whispers.

“Yes!” Tyler fist pumps. “You’re gonna have a great time, I promise.” He’s grinning so much that Jamie thinks his face might be stuck.

Jamie’s impressed and a little terrified with how well Tyler can change people’s minds, especially someone who is practically a stranger to him. Jamie wishes he had that ability. Actually, he wishes he could talk to people in general without wincing at his own words or making things awkward.

“Oh, if you’re going to join the team, you’ll need a nickname!”

“Um, my family calls me Chubbs,” Jamie says, staring down at his notes.

“Why?” Tyler asks, confused.

“Because I’m a bit chubby, I guess.” Jamie shrugs. “And I was really chubby back in middle school.”

Tyler shakes his head. “That’s kinda fucked up, man. And you’re not chubby...like at all.”

Jamie laughs. “No, it’s not like that. They weren’t mean about it, it just became a nickname after a while. I like it.”

Tyler nods. “It is cute. Maybe it can be my nickname for you? They guys will probably just call you Benny.”

“That works.” Jamie gives him a shy smile. “I mean, that is _if_ I join the team.”

“Uh huh,” Tyler says, grinning. “Sure. _If_ you do.”

 

Tyler starts reading his book and taking notes and Jamie thinks maybe he should step a little out of his comfort zone. So he clears his throat to ask Tyler a question but when Tyler glances up at him, Jamie says, “Sorry, just something stuck in my throat.”

Jamie silently curses himself. Why is he so damn awkward?

“Do you want some water?” Tyler asks, pulling out a water bottle from his bag. 

“Um, sure,” Jamie says, taking the bottle from him. As he’s sipping on the water, he realizes Tyler’s lips had to have probably been wrapped around the same bottle and then his mind starts to wonder to Tyler’s lips being wrapped around something else entirely which causes Jamie to start choking. 

“Are you okay?” Tyler asks, rushing over to Jamie’s side of the table. He starts rubbing Jamie’s back.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Jamie croaks. “Went down the wrong pipe.”

Tyler winces in sympathy and goes back to his seat.

Jamie’s beyond embarrassed at this point so he figures now is a good a time as any to ask Tyler what he wanted to. “Are you free tonight?”

Tyler starts smiling as he continues to scribble in his notebook, not looking up. “Maybe, why?”

Jamie tries to channel the measly amount of confidence he has and says, “Spezz and I have movie nights every now and then. We’re having one tonight. Do you want to join us?”

Tyler’s smile falters a bit as Jamie started explaining but it’s back in place when he’s done, and brighter than ever. Tyler finally stops writing and looks up at Jamie. “I’d love to.”

Jamie sighs in relief and smiles back. For a few seconds he’s happy with himself for taking that risk, but then he starts berating himself for not thinking it through. This means he’ll have to spend more time with Tyler and it’s already hard enough looking at the guy let alone talking to him. He’s also agreed to go to the stupid hockey party next week so it looks like Tyler’s slowly carving a place in Jamie’s life.

***

Jamie and Spezz’s movie nights usually occur in the same fashion: they sit on Jamie’s bed, leaning against the wall as they munch on popcorn and whatever vending machine snacks they could get their hands on as they watch a movie that plays on the blank wall next to Spezz’s bed via a janky projector that Spezz got online for twenty bucks.

Jamie spends the beginning of this particular movie night oscillating between being slightly nauseous at the thought of Tyler in Jamie’s bed and slightly irritated that Tyler hasn’t arrived yet so that Jamie can properly be nauseous at the sight of Tyler in his bed.

For the umpteenth time, Jamie wishes he got Tyler’s number. Not that he would do anything with it, but it’d be comforting to have in a situation like this. He can just ask Spezz to check in on Tyler for him but Jamie’s trying to do this thing where he pretends to be chill and that is decidedly not chill.

They’re a half hour into 22 Jumpstreet when Tyler barges into their dorm room. “Whoa!” he says, eyeing their set up. He plops down on the edge of Jamie’s bed and crawls over to them. That’s a sight Jamie wishes he didn’t see: Tyler crawling towards him on his bed. 

“How’d you guys manage to hook this up?” Tyler asks, glancing up at the precariously placed projector.

“I looked up a tutorial on YouTube,” Spezz answers, pausing the movie. “You already missed a bunch.”

Tyler squeezes himself in between Jamie and Spezz and shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “Aw man, dis is mah farite ovie!”

Jamie and Spezz exchange a look before Tyler finishes chewing and continues. “Sorry I was late, we had an emergency meeting at the house.”

“What happened?” Spezz asks.

“Oh, nothing serious. Just some housekeeping stuff and preparing for the party next week,” Tyler answers. 

Spezz grumbles about Tyler hogging the popcorn and snatches the bucket from his grasp and hits play. As the movie starts back up, Tyler turns to face Jamie and smiles, all bright and wide. “Hi.”

If Jamie could blush at how easily he just blushed at Tyler saying one word to him, he would. “Hi, Tyler,” he responds. 

“You look good,” Tyler says, reaching up and running his hand through Jamie’s hair.

Jamie almost chokes on his spit. He bats Tyler’s hand away and giggles. “Fuck off!”

“I’m serious!” Tyler exclaims. “You look relaxed, it’s sexy.”

Jamie stares at him, speechless. “You’re supposed to say, ‘thanks Tyler, right back atcha,’” Tyler says, moving Jamie’s mouth with his hand along with his words.

“Will you two stop flirting and let me watch?” Spezz says from the otherside of Tyler, abruptly.

“We’re not flirting,” Jamie whispers, still reeling at Tyler’s compliment. 

“Yeah, ok. And the sky is green,” Spezz deadpans. “Look, I’m not opposed to you guys being a thing but don’t make me third wheel.”

Tyler flings an arm around Spezz’s shoulders and says, “Maybe Jamie’s the third wheel, eh?”

Spezz shrugs Tyler’s arm off and turns up the volume on the projector. “You wish.”

Tyler laughs and looks back over at Jamie. “What?”

Jamie shakes his head and focuses his attention back to the movie. He combs through his hair using his fingers to fix the disheveled mess Tyler probably made it and settles in to Jonah Hill’s character improving spoken word poetry.

Towards the climax of the movie, when the football field is in chaos, Tyler pokes Jamie in the ribs.

“Ow, what the fuck,” Jamie shrieks.

Tyler shushes him and points over at Spezz who’s dozing off with this mouth open. 

“He’s kinda cute when he’s quiet,” Tyler remarks.

Jamie smiles, “I could say the same thing about you.” Ah, shit. He most definitely did not mean to say that out loud. 

Tyler looks over at him and grins. “Yeah?”

“We should probably wake him and make him sleep in his own bed instead drooling all over mine,” Jamie opts to say instead. He’s so so in over his head with Tyler.

Together they both manage to wrangle Spezz over to his bed and shut down the projector, deciding to watch Netflix on Jamie’s laptop instead.

“What about Bodyguard?” Jamie asks, scrolling through the shows and movies on his front page.

“I’ve seen it. Sherlock?” Tyler asks.

“I’ve seen a few episodes, aren’t they all like an hour and a half?”

Tyler shrugs and lies down on Jamie’s bed. “I don’t have anywhere to be.”

Jamie sighs and continues scrolling. They eventually decide on Narcos but barely get through five minutes before Tyler starts asking Jamie about himself.

“Do you have siblings?” Tyler asks.

“Brother and sister,” Jamie replies. “You?”

“Two sisters, they’re little heathens,” Tyler answers. “Do you like dogs? Please tell me you like dogs!”

Jamie laughs, although if he were honest with himself it was more of a giggle. “Yeah, yeah I love dogs.”

“Sweet. Look,” Tyler says, taking his phone out of his pocket and clicking on the photos app. “This is Marshall, he’s my baby. We also have Cash, isn’t he cute?”

“The cutest,” Jamie says, smiling at how happy Tyler’s dogs make him.

“Right! And then there’s little ol’ Gerry. We just got him last year,” Tyler says, scrolling through probably a hundred pictures of his dogs. He shows Jamie each and every picture and provides his own commentary. 

“Do you have any pets?” Tyler asks when he’s hit the end of his dog album.

“Nah, but I did always want a dog,” Jamie says.

“Well then you’ll just have to visit.”

Jamie bites his lips at the thought of visiting Tyler in the summer which is a good nine months from now. Will he still be friends with Tyler then? Is he friends with Tyler now?

“Where’re you from?” Jamie asks, finally pausing the show.

“Brampton, which is basically Toronto, Canada. What about-”

“I know where Brampton is. I’m Canadian too, although sorry to say I’m from the better coast.”

“BC?” Tyler asks, sitting up in excitement. 

“Yup, born and raised.”

“Oh man, I always wanted to go to BC. Winnipeg is the furthest west I’ve ever been in Canada.”

“Then you’ll just have to visit,” Jamie parrots Tyler’s words from earlier. 

“I just might.” Tyler grins. “So are you a Canucks fan? Please tell me you have better taste than that.”

“Fuck off, at least I’m not a Leafs fan,” Jamie scoffs.

“This is a travesty,” Tyler whines.

“What is?”

“You’re like the perfect guy for me but you had to ruin it with your taste in sports teams.”

Jamie is blushing so hard now he feels like his head’s going to explode. He bulldozes right over Tyler’s comment and asks him more about his family and why he decided to go to college in Dallas of all places. He tries not to let his mind wander back to what Tyler said about Jamie being perfect, but he can’t help it. Jamie isn’t stupid, he realizes Tyler’s been flirting, but he just assumed it was harmless. Maybe he was wrong.

They eventually shut down the laptop and decide to grab a light night snack that ends up actually being a trip to the 24/7 dinner down the street.

As they part ways after stuffing themselves with pancakes, Jamie thinks something might happen. A kiss? A hug? He tries not to lean in and look like he’s expecting either but he also tries not to look too standoffish and unapproachable, as a result he ends up looking so fucking awkward that Tyler asks if he’s feeling okay.

“‘M fine,” Jamie answers, mortified.

“Well, I’ll see you next week? Party at my place?” Tyler reminds him.

Jamie nods in response, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Cool, and bring that poker face of yours.” Tyler takes a second to stare at Jamie as if he’s deciding something but then lifts up a fist for Jamie to bump. “See ya.”

Jamie stands there and watches Tyler head down the street to the off campus neighborhood. It takes him a while before he finally walks back to his dorm, mumbling to himself.

A fist bump is all Jamie gets after subtly asking out a guy he likes. Tyler showed signs of interest all night and Jamie had the prime opportunity to make a move, but of course he blew it. Tyler’s probably already written him off as a boring awkward mess.

***

The hockey house is pumping a steady stream of rap as Jamie maneuvers around a herd of girls by the drink table.

He was quickly abandoned by Spezz as soon as they arrived, left to awkwardly waddle around looking for Tyler without looking like he was looking for Tyler.

Jamie pours himself a cup of jungle juice as someone throws an arm over his shoulder. “Jamie! You made it!”

Jamie turns to the side and smiles at Tyler. “Hey, yeah.”

“You gotta meet the guys, c’mon,” Tyler says, dragging Jamie by the hand towards the basement.

They get stopped half-way by a girl Jamie vaguely recognizes from his Chem class. “Tyler! I was looking for you!”

Tyler lets go of Jamie’s hand and hugs the girl. “Ash, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, got here a while ago. How’ve you been?”

“Good, you? It’s been a while, eh?” Tyler asks.

Ashley wraps a hand around Tyler’s bicep. “Mhmm, way too long,” she murmurs. 

Tyler pulls his arm out of her grasp and reaches over to clap Jamie on the back. “This is Jamie. Jamie, this is Ashley.”

“Hi,” Jamie says, giving her a small wave.

Ashley smiles politely but turns her attention back to Tyler.

Jamie feels like a third wheel as they both giggle while catching up. He stands around for a few minutes before catching Tyler’s eye and nodding towards the basement door and heading down by himself. Normally, Jamie wouldn’t dare go alone, but Tyler flirting a foot away from him makes him feel pathetic.

Tyler looks like he’s trying to wrap up his conversation with Ashley, but Jamie ignores them and takes the stairs down. 

The music fades away as he spots a cluster of guys piled on the couch with PS4 controllers. Jamie stands off to the side awkwardly, unsure if should introduce himself or not. He also starts to feel stupid to think Tyler’s told his teammates about him, as if they’d be waiting to meet him. 

“Hey.” Someone spots him and waves him closer. “I’m Ben,” the guy says, holding a hand out. 

“Jamie,” he replies, shaking his hand.

Everyone on the couch freezes and whips their head around to face him. An echo of cheers reverberates throughout the room.

“Fucking, finally,” Ben says, standing up and pulling Jamie into a hug.

“Tyler talks about you non-stop,” another guy says, coming up and pulling him into a hug too. 

It’s quickly apparent to Jamie that most, if not all, of the guys are drunk. They all take turns hugging him, complimenting him, and telling him they’ve heard great stuff from Tyler about his hockey. The latter is odd since Tyler’s only seen Jamie practice once and he doesn’t think he did anything particularly noteworthy. 

Tyler runs down the stairs. “Whoa,” he says as a guy who introduced himself as Rads hugs Jamie and tries to lift him up. “Hands off, Rads.”

Jamie gets dropped the two inches he made it off the ground and Rads backs away with his hands in the air. “Sorry, Segs.”

Tyler slides up next to Jamie and wraps an arm around his waist. “I see you guys have met Jamie.”

“I see you’re as territorial as ever,” Ben says with a laugh.

Tyler ignores him and introduces Jamie to the rest of guys. Jamie’s not sure he’s ever hugged a stranger before today.

“Wanna play?” Rads asks, holding up his controller. 

Jamie declines. “I think I’ll just watch.”

Rads nods and starts picking his character along with three other guys. “Hey, where’s my invite?” Tyler asks, sitting on the arm of the couch, Jamie hovering next to him.

“You cheat too much,” Rads replies. “You’re banned remember?”

“Banned?” Jamie echos.

“Yeah, Tyler kept losing so he rage quit like three times in a row. He’s not allowed to play until he’s learned his lesson,” Klinger says.

Jamie laughs and turns to face Tyler. “Really? But he’s always so easy going.”

The tips of Tyler’s ears and nose turn pink as the guys start razzing him. “Of course he’s chill around you.”

“What does that mean?” Jamie asks.

“Nothing!” Tyler shouts and leaps up. “I thought we were gonna play poker?”

“It’s all set up, we were waiting for you,” Ben says, pointing over towards the table in the corner of the room. “I’m gonna go invite some girls down here, can’t have it be a sausage party.”

Some of the guys head over to the table while the rest stay to continue their tournament. “You playing, Jamie?” Rads asks.

“Yeah, sure,” he replies, taking a seat. 

Tyler takes the deck of cards and pretends to shuffle like an expert, ruffling the cards and spreading them across the table but failing to pick them up smoothly. He does it a few times before Rads grabs them from him. Jamie can’t help but laugh at him. Tyler reaches over and smack his arms.

“You can’t laugh at me! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Tyler admonishes him.

“Who says?” Jamie challenges, folding his hands on top of the table.

“Wha-but!” Tyler sputters. “You’re my friend!”

“He’s mine too now,” Rads says, properly shuffling the cards. 

“Nice shuffle, Rads,” Jamie says with a smile.

Tyler scoffs. “Fuck you, Chubbs.”

“Chubbs?” Ben asks, returning from upstairs with three girls and Spezz.

“Oh, it’s my-”

“That’s my nickname for him,” Tyler says with a scowl. “You guys can call him Benny.”

Ben, Rads, and Spezz all share a look. “Alright, Benny. I’m assuming you know how to play strip poker?”

“Strip?” Jamie croaks out.

“Is that okay?” Spezz asks. 

Jamie shakes his head. “Sorry, I’m going to have to bow out.” 

He makes to get up, but Tyler grips his wrist and pulls him back down. “Jamie, can be on my team. I’m the worst at poker, you guys know that. He can coach me, but I’ll be the only one stripping.”

Everyone grumbles a bit before accepting, likely because they didn’t want Jamie to feel more uncomfortable then he already did. Jamie scoots his chair closer to Tyler and eyes his cards after they’re dealt.

“Good, right?” Tyler whispers.

“Yep.”

“I’m sad,” Tyler mumbles.

Jamie turns his head to get a look at him, he looks alright. His face is flushed likely from the alcohol and his eyes are dancing, but he’s got a pout on full display. “Why?”

“I wanted to see you shirtless,” Tyler says with a sigh. “Or pantless. Definitely pantless.”

“Tyler,” Jamie groans in annoyance. He can feel his jeans stretching tight over his groin.

Tyler turns to meet his eyes. “Say my name like that again,” he whispers.

“Shut up!” Jamie says with a strained laugh, knocking his shoulder into Tyler’s.

Ten minutes later, Tyler’s down to his boxers, arguing that his watch counts as an article of clothing. “Jamie! Help me out here! It’s made of leather and covers my skin, that’s clothing!”

For some reason, that gets Jamie laughing so hard that his hands are clutching his stomach. “I don’t think so, Segs.”

“But! Ugh! You said you were good at poker!” Tyler yells at him.

Jamie shrugs. “I must be rusty.”

“Unbelievable,” Tyler grumbles. “Sabotaged by my own friend.”

The rest of the table starts arguing about the girls not being able to count jewelry as clothing if Tyler can’t count his watch and the game is quickly derailed after that. Jamie’s not sure if it’s a good thing he never got to see Tyler shed his boxers. He doesn’t think he’d be sitting upright if that happened.

As the rest of the night passes, Jamie quickly realizes there’s nothing really intimidating about the hockey team. It’s not that they’re all normal, far from it actually, but they’re nice guys. Everyone gives as much as they get, but there’s a clear line already established in terms of chirps and no one pushes too far. They’re also a really close group of guys which excites Jamie a bit. He’s never had an unshakeable bond like that with anyone before.

Tyler also continues to surprise him. As the party teters off and everyone except the guys that live there are left, Tyler grabs a handful of water bottles and wanders around the house handing them out and checking up on everyone.

“Will you stay?” Tyler asks Jamie, handing him the last bottle.

Jamie nods. “Spezz was my ride.”

They both look over at Spezz who’s passed out behind the couch. “I don’t get why he chooses to dorm. We call get our own rooms heres. He must really like you.”

“It’s probably because hanging around you guys for too long could make anyone go insane.”

Tyler frowns. “I hate when you do that.”

“What?” Jamie asks, confused.

Tyler wraps his arms around Jamie’s neck, pulling him down to meet his eyes. “Don’t sell yourself short, Jamie Benn. You’re an amazing guy, believe me, okay?”

Jamie blushes and tries to pull out of his grip.

“Say okay!”

“Okay, okay, jeez.”

Tyler grins and guides him to his room. “It’s not big, so we’ll have to cuddle.”

Jamie chokes on his own spit, it’s become his instant reaction when it comes to Tyler and anything sexual. “Um, that’s okay, I’ll take the floor.”

“Don’t be stupid, Chubbs. We can share.”

Jamie gives in, it would be really obvious if he kept arguing. Tyler undresses as Jamie shucks off his jeans and slides into bed. He keeps his shirt on, too insecure to remove it in front of Tyler.

Tyler slips into bed next to him, clad in his boxers. “Thanks for coming,” he whispers.

It’s dark, but Jamie sees Tyler grinning with his eyes closed. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“The boys loved you,” Tyler says softly.

“They’re great. I had fun.”

“Will you join the team?” Tyler saks, eyes popping open in excitement.

There’s a moment where Jamie thinks Tyler befriending him and showing him off to his team was all a rouse to get him to join, to convince him to try out, but the moment passes as Tyler closes his eyes again and says, “Sorry, I know you said no. I respect your decision.”

Jamie sighs. His face is inches away from Tyler and it takes everything in him, mainly his brain repeating awkward, consequences, rejection on a constant loop not to lean over and close the space between them. 

“I’ll try out,” Jamie whispers.

Tyler’s eyes open slowly, a smile blooms. “You sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to or that you don’t have a choice. I just know that you get along well with the guys and your hockey is beautiful...almost as beautiful as you.”

“That was weak,” Jamie says, laughing and kicking Tyler’s shin.

“Ow, shit. That’s what I get for giving you a compliment? I’ll just go fuck myself then.” Tyler gathers the comforter in his hand and yanks it around him as he turns so his back faces Jamie.

Jamie reaches a hand out against his better judgement and lightly trails his fingers across Tyler’s shoulder. “I’m sure. I’ll try out.”

Tyler huffs and grabs Jamie’s hand from his shoulder and pulls him closer so that their hands interlace and drape across his stomach.

Jamie tries to still his heart that now rests along Tyler’s back. He used to think Tyler was just a hot athlete, but now he knows there’s more to him. Tyler’s sweet, caring, vulnerable, funny-Jamie’s falling and he’s falling hard.

***

“Jamie,” Tyler says, shaking him awake.

“Mm.” Jamie flips over to get away from Tyler’s shaking.

“I’m making coffee, want some?” Tyler asks, threading a hand through Jamie’s hair. 

“Yes, please,” Jamie answers, flipping back over. He slowly opens his left eye to see a grinning Tyler. 

“You’ve got a cute morning face,” Tyler says, getting out of bed.

Jamie ignores how his heart skips a beat and rolls over to fill the space Tyler left. He pushes his nose into Tyler’s pillow and inhales. Tyler’s scent is overwhelming and it leaves Jamie panicking. He shouldn’t be getting this comfortable around Tyler, his embarrassing crush on him will never go away.

He puts on his jeans and makes his way downstairs. He follows the strong scent of coffee to the kitchen and is greeted by a few guys from the hockey team slouched over their cups.

“Benny!” Rads yells a little too loudly.

Everyone cringes at his booming voice. “Can you keep it down?” Ben asks.

“No,” Rads replies. “You all decided to drink so much you’d have a hangover, now you suffer the consequences.”

Ben and Klinger grumble and leave the kitchen.

“Did you have fun?” Spezz asks Jamie,

“Define fun?” Jamie answers. “Nah, just playin’. It was a lot different than I thought. Everyone was super chill.”

“I told you!” Tyler exclaims, sliding over a cup of coffee for Jamie.

“Thanks,” he mumbles.

“You should come to every party from now on. Tyler’s never lasted that long at poker,” Rads says.

“Shut up, I so have! I almost won that one time!”

“That was a fluke,” Spezz says.

“Yeah. You know how many times I’ve seen his dick?” Rads asks Jamie.

“Oh yeah?” Jamie says, grinning at Tyler.

Tyler blushes. “Okay so I suck at poker, whatever.”

“Do you really suck at it or do you have an exhibitionist thing going on?” Jamie asks, eyeing Tyler’s half naked body.

Tyler gasps and covers his nipples with his hands. “How dare you question my virtue, Jamie Benn.”

“You two really need to get a room,” Karls says as he practically crawls into the kitchen. 

Jamie doesn’t dare respond to that. “You shouldn’t drink so much!” Tyler yells at Karls, making him cringe into a fetal position. 

“Tyler,” Jamie admonishes. He’s had a hangover worse than the one Karls had right now, he knows how it feels.

“What?” Tyler asks, hands on his hips. “He’ll be fine. Right, Karls?”

Karls grumbles and makes no effort to get up.

“What time’s practice?” A kid asks, strolling into the kitchen. He looks around and shakes his head in disappointment. 

“At two,” Rads says, holding two fingers up. 

“I can’t believe you guys don’t learn from your mistakes,” the kid says, laughing to himself.

“I did!” Tyler says confidently. “Practicing with a hangover is hell. I barely got drunk last night.”

“Give him a medal,” Karls says from the ground. He attempts to roll himself over, still curled in a ball. Once he succeeds, he starts crawling to the island.

Jamie goes over and helps him onto a stool. 

“Hey, man. I’m Miro,” the kid says, extending a hand out.

Jamie shakes his hand. “Jamie. But, um, I guess you can call me Benny?”

Miro’s eyes widen and he looks over at Tyler. “This the guy who’s going to make us ‘unstoppable’?” he asks, using quote fingers around the last word.

Jamie starts to get nervous. He didn’t realize how much Tyler’s talked him up to his team after only seeing him practice once, a practice where he was just shooting at a wide open net.

“Yes, he is,” Tyler says coming over and squeezing where Jamie’s neck meets his shoulder. “Wait till you guys see him out there. He’s amazing.”

“Left wing, right?” Karls asks, looking a little better after having chugged a glass and a half of water. 

“Yeah. Well, I can play anywhere really. Not that I’m bragging, it’s just that I played on a rec team and I usually went wherever I was needed,” Jamie explains.

“Chill, Chubbs,” Tyler says. “Whatever position you feel most comfortable is fine. Just having you on the team alone will make a huge difference.”

Tyler says it with such confidence that Jamie can feel his own confidence level start to rise. He looks around at the room and back at Tyler. He’s most comfortable playing center, but that’s Tyler’s position and that means they can’t ever be on a line together. 

Jamie pictures skating down the ice by Tyler’s side and feeding each other passes. He imagines cellying with Tyler and the epic hugs he doles out. “Um, yeah. Left is best for me.”

“Sweet,” Tyler says, squeezing again and letting go. “I’m gonna go shower. Are you gonna stick around?”

Jamie shakes his head. “I should head back. Got a paper to write.”

“Meet us at the rink at 1:30, kay?” Tyler asks, looking nervous as if Jamie’s going to back out.

“Got it,” Jamie says, nodding his head. 

There’s no way he’s backing out of Tyler’s life now. He’s already come this far, might as well see where it leads.

***

Jamie feels good out on the ice with the rest of Tyler’s team. They do a few basic drills that he used to do with his high school hockey team and then break out into lines.

Coach Ruff puts him with Tyler and Rads. They pass the puck around and when Tyler scores on Ben, Coach blows the whistle and gestures Jamie over.

Jamie slowly glides his way. He’s gripping his stick extra hard, his knees buckling when Ruff growls at him. “Um, something wrong?” Jamie asks.

Ruff sighs. “I’m disappointed in you, son.”

“Wh-um-why?” Jamie hesitates. He didn’t really care if he’d make the team when he first got on the ice, but the chemistry he felt with all the boys was exhilarating. He’s kicking himself in the ass for not taking this more seriously. If he had known this is what it felt like, he would’ve done his homework and practice before showing up.

“With your skill, why didn’t you try out when the season began?” Coach Ruff asks.

Jamie shrugs. “I didn’t think it was for me.”

Coach Ruff crosses his arms. “Ah, I see. You think you’re too good for organized college hockey, eh?”

Jamie shakes his head. “No, no. I just-I don’t do well in group settings.”

Coach Ruff scoffs. “Then what do you call that?” he asks, nodding his head over at the net where Tyler scored. 

Jamie glances over and see Tyler and Rads pretending to act nonchalant when they’re really eavesdropping.

“I’m a decent hockey player?” Jamie’s well aware the lack of confidence that supposed statement has.

“More than decent, Benn. You’re better than half this team and I’m very annoyed you didn’t think to try out.”

“I barely did anything,” Jamie responds. “You can’t know that.”

“I’ve seen those clips of you playing for your rec team. You put up a lot of points, we can really use a player of your caliber.”

“Clips? Our games aren’t recorded,” Jamie says, confused.

“The videos Tyler took,” Coach Ruff clarifies. 

Jamie’s even more confused now. “What videos?”

“He took some videos of you playing. I thought you were aware. He emailed me a few, talking about how I just _had_ to see this rec league player. I knew right away we needed you on the team.”

Jamie goes through a whirlwind of emotions in the matter of seconds. He’s confused as to why Tyler would record him playing and even more confused as to why Tyler said he wasn’t aware Jamie played hockey that time a few weeks ago. The confusion fades to annoyance and hurt when he realizes that maybe he was right the night before when he was laying in bed looking at Tyler and thinking that they were only becoming friends because Tyler needs to improve his hockey team. He had brushed the thought away, using the small confidence he had in himself up to reassure him that wasn’t the case. 

“So you had him recruit me?” Jamie asks, looking over at Tyler who looks wide-eyed and scared. 

“No, he told me he knew you. Said he was working on trying to get you to join,” Coach Ruff explains.

Jamie looks down at his skates, the high he got from Tyler’s goal disappearing at an alarming rate.

When he doesn’t say anything, Coach Ruff continues. “Listen, Jamie. You’ve got a spot if you want it. I don’t want to pressure you to join, if it’s not your thing then that’s fine. But the team would really benefit if you were a part of it. We’ve gotten ourselves into a bit of a whole after losing the first four games of the season. I understand if you need to think about it, but not too long, alright? Our next game is Wednesday and we practice again tomorrow. If you want on the team, stop by my office and we’ll get you situated.”

Coach Ruff pats his on the shoulder and skates past. The other lines start take a shot at a few different drills while Tyler skates over to Jamie.

“Please don’t hate me,” Tyler says, bright red.

Jamie sighs. “You knew I played.”

“Well, yeah. I saw your gear in your room one time when I was hanging out with Spezz,” Tyler says. “He told me when your games usually are and I thought I’d stop by and see if you were any good. And you were, Jamie. You are. So, so good.”

“So why lie?” Jamie asks.

Tyler shrugs. “Didn’t want you to think I was a stalker.”

Jamie laughs a bit. “You kinda are.”

Tyler grins, embarrassment fading from his face. “Shut up,” he says, shoving at Jamie’s shoulder.

“Have you been doing all of this just to get me on the team?” Jamie finally asks.

Tyler’s face drops. “Of course not! I’ve told you from the beginning that I wanted you to join, that’s no secret. Everything aside from that was me trying to get to know you.”

“Why, though? I mean remove hockey from the equation, why are you hanging out with me so much?” Jamie asks.

Coach Ruff blows his whistle and calls for their line. Tyler grabs Jamie’s arm before he can skate away. “At first it was because you were quiet and mysterious, but now that I’ve gotten to know you, it’s because you’re great, Jamie. I’ve never really had a friend like you who looks past all my bullshit. You mean a lot to me.”

Jamie swoons internally, but this doesn’t stop him from reminding himself that Tyler is so far out of his league that he might as well be playing a different sport. 

“Okay,” Jamie says. “Alright.”

Tension drops from Tyler’s shoulders. “We’re good?”

Jamie nods in response.

Tyler looks over at where Rads is waiting for them. “You trust me?” he asks Jamie.

“Yes,” Jamie responds, confidently. 

Tyler grins and takes off. “Then get low and stay open by the net.”

Jamie does as told. Tyler passes to Rads who swings around the net and passes it back. Tyler wheels around a few defensemen and shoots it wide, intentionally banking it off of the boards behind the net so that it lands on Jamie’s stick who doesn’t have to do anything but aim.

“What a beauty!” Tyler yells, engulfing Jamie in a hug. 

Rads is hanging on to Jamie’s back chanting, “Benny! Benny! Benny!”

Jamie laughs, shaking them both off. “That was all Tyler,” he says.

“Who scored?” Rads asks, knocking their helmets together before skating off, not even bothering to hear Jamie’s response.

“You’re good,” Jamie says to Tyler. “Like really good.”

Tyler shrugs. “I guess. But I’ve tried that play with almost every guy on the team and no one can catch the puck on their tape, let alone doing it on their first try without knowing what I was going to do, and scoring!”

“Just luck, I guess,” Jamie says.

Tyler huffs. “We gotta work on that confidence, bud.” 

They skate over to Coach Ruff who’s waiting for everyone to gather around his rolling whiteboard. He starts talking about the Phantoms game coming on Wednesday and draws out a few things. Jamie looks around the group of guys and realizes how wrong he was to judge them beforehand. He knew after the party at the hockey house that they were all welcoming, but he thought maybe that was just the alcohol. He knows now that there’s nothing intimidating about the team, they’ve treated him like he’s one of them and he’s only been out on the ice for a twenty minutes.

He doesn’t realize his mind’s made up about joining the team until he’s taking his skates off and saying to Tyler, “We gotta be faster than them. Coach said they’ve got smaller forwards, so if we’re faster and stay physical, we shouldn’t have a problem.”

Tyler’s staring at him with a wide grin on his face. “We? Who is this ‘we’ you speak of, Chubbs?”

Jamie smiles back and before he can answer, he’s tackled into a hug by Tyler.

***

They end up winning the game, Jamie’s scores twice and gets two assists in his first collegiate hockey game. 

“Benny, what a game,” Karls says passing Jamie’s stall in the locker room and reaching out for a fist bump.

“Thanks,” he replies.

“So bashful,” Karls says, laughing.

“He’s fucking adorable,” Spezz says from across the room, blowing a kiss Jamie’s way.

Jamie laughs and starts unlacing his skates. 

“Benny’s a stud,” Ben says, doing weird goalie stretches in the corner of the room. “I barely had to do shit out there.”

“Guess it helps to keep possession when you’re built like that,” Miro says in awe, eyeing Jamie’s body.

“Um, thanks?” Jamie says, feeling uncomfortable by all the attention.

“Can y’all put your boners away?” Tyler growls from the stall next to Jamie’s.

“Chill, bro,” Spezz says. “We’re just admiring his talent.”

Tyler scoffs in annoyance and sheds his gear.

Jamie’s confused by his reaction until he imagines what this is like from Tyler’s perspective. Of course he’s jealous that everyone is praising Jamie when he’s the real star of the team. 

“You okay?” Jamie asks.

“M’fine. Good game,” Tyler says, smiling at him, face relaxing.

Jamie breathes a sigh of relief. “You too.”

“We make a good team.” Tyler winks at Jamie before taking off his boxers. 

He’s naked. Holy shit, he’s naked. Jamie forgets how to breathe as Tyler walks away towards the showers. Naked Tyler is one thing he didn’t account for when deciding to join the team.

“You okay there, Benny?” Spezz asks from across the room, laughing.

Jamie ignores him. He grabs his phone and curls into himself so no one can see him google “how to get over nice hot friend with great butt.”

***

Despite all of Jamie’s efforts, their team can’t catch up enough to make it far. The season quietly ends in April. Over the past few months, Jamie’s become codependent with Tyler. One doesn’t go anywhere without the other.

Jamie’s scribbling on flash cards when Spezz walks into their room.

“No Tyler today?” Spezz asks with a smirk.

“I’m studying.”

“So? You were studying on Monday and that didn’t stop him from hovering over you.”

“What’s your point?” Jamie asks, taking a break from his cards.

“My point is, are you ever going to make a move?”

Jamie’s mouth drops open and hangs like that before sputtering.

“Save it, Jamie,” Spezz says, dropping onto his bed. “You like him and he likes you and neither of you have the balls to go for it. We all know.”

Jamie shakes his head. “It’s not like that. Not at all. I mean- okay maybe on my end but he doesn’t feel the same way. Trust me.”

Spezz looks at him skeptically. “He spends every waking moment with you. He stalked you for weeks before he approached you. You guys are always cuddling on movie night, so much so that I started feeling like a third wheel and started avoiding them.”

“What? Why didn’t you say anything? Those are our nights,” Jamie says, hurt.

“But I think they started to become yours and Tyler’s nights,” Spezz explains and then quickly adds, “Which is okay! We get to hang out plenty anyway.”

Jamie still feels guilty. “Let’s have a Marvel marathon on Saturday! Just us two, no Tyler.”

Spezz laughs. “I said I don’t mind, but fine. Sounds fun.”

“Cool.” Jamie grins. “I’ll tell Ty- uh, I- cool.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject,” Spezz says, raising an eyebrow. 

Jamie shakes his head again in denile and goes back to his flashcards. “We’re just friends. I don’t think he’s had a best friend before so he’s just a little extra sometimes.”

“You mean you don’t think he’s been in love before?” Spezz corrects him.

“Fuck off,” Jamie says, throwing a card at him. 

Spezz dodges it easily and proceeds to complain for twenty minutes about how it could’ve taken his eye out.

***

Spezza ends up cancelling on Jamie, claiming the hot girl in his Physics class invited him to a party. So Saturday night has Jamie lying on his bed watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier with Tyler. 

“Fuck, he’s so hot,” Tyler moans, as Captain America fights agents in an elevator.

Tyler’s head is resting on Jamie’s chest and Jamie’s carding his hands through Tyler’s hair, playing with a strand every now and then. It’s easy to get lost in the movies when he feels so comfortable like this. He’s never had such an easy relationship with anyone before. Not that he’s in a relationship with Tyler, more like a bromance.

“Chris Evans?” Jamie asks.

“Yeah, you don’t think?” Tyler asks, lifting his head to peer up at Jamie.

“No, I agree. Definitely hot,” Jamie says. “Think I’m more of a Thor guy though.”

Tyler sits up and faces Jamie. “The hair does it for you, huh?”

“Shut up,” Jamie grumbles shoving at Tyler. “His eyes are pretty.”

Tyler looks at him quizzically. “What’s your type, Chubbs?”

Jamie sinks down on the bed some more. He doesn’t really have a type, Tyler is his type. How does he describe him without Tyler realizing Jamie’s fucking head over heels for him?

“Um, tall?”

“Uh huh,” Tyler encourages him to continue. 

“Dark hair, nice smile, kind?”

Tyler laughs. “That’s like almost every guy we know. Give me something more!”

“Why do you care?” Jamie asks, playing with a loose thread on his shirt.

“I’m your best friend. It would help to know what kind of guys you go for, maybe I could set you up with someone,” Tyler says, shrugging.

When Jamie doesn’t say anything (because he’s dying internally at the thought of his crush matchmaking for him), Tyler laughs uncomfortably. “Nevermind.”

“No, um,” Jamie starts, placing a hand on Tyler’s wrist to reassure him. “I think if I had to pick like the perfect guy he’d be charming, but like not too much you know? I’m quiet so someone more outgoing would be nice, a guy who brings me out of my comfort zone. He’d have to love hockey, too. Maybe even play it. Someone close with their family, and a caring friend.”

Tyler looks into Jamie’s eyes, searching for something. “You ever meet anyone close to that kind of perfect?” he asks.

Jamie can’t give his feelings away, not when they’ve come this far, not when summer’s coming up and it would be too easy to lose Tyler. Too easy to shrug off their friendship after an awkward rejection and chalk it up to distance because of the summer. Too easy to say, ‘oh sorry I didn’t keep in touch...had a lot going on. Summer y’know?’

It’s not like Jamie’s thought of the severe consequences of Tyler finding out about his feelings or anything. 

Jamie shakes his head. Tyler’s shoulders instantly relax. Does that mean he knows about Jamie’s feelings and now he’s relieved they don’t have to discuss it? 

He tosses the thought out as Tyler relaxes back against him. One day Tyler will probably figure it out and they’ll deal, but that day is not today so there’s no point in worrying.

“I’ll be on the lookout for a guy like that,” Tyler says, lips almost touching Jamie’s chest.

“Yeah? Doubt he’d go for me,” Jamie says, placing his hand back in Tyler’s hair. 

Tyler lifts his head again, staring up at Jamie with a baffled expression. “I hate when you say shit like that.”

“Like what?”

“Self-deprecating shit. You’re hot, Jamie. And you’re sweet, so so sweet. And kind hearted, and caring, always looking out for everyone. How do you not see that?”

Jamie blushes. “You lost me at hot.”

Tyler jumps up and straddles Jamie’s lap. “You’re insane!” he shouts, squeezing Jamie’s shoulders.

Jamie tries to think of his grandparents to avoid popping a boner as Tyler starts into another rant about how great Jamie is. “-and supportive. Remember when I decided I’d try art? I sucked so hard but you were there for me!”

“Okay, alright. I get it. Get off me!” Jamie bucks at Tyler.

Tyler stays on, squeezing his shoulders even harder. “Not until you tell me you get how amazing you are.”

“Fine,” Jamie huffs. “I get how amazing I am.”

“And hot!”

“And hot,” he huffs some more, shoving Tyler off of him. 

“We need to work on your confidence,” Tyler says with a frown.

“How?”

“Hmm, what’s something you like about yourself?” Tyler asks, stretching out and lying down next to Jamie.

“My hair? I mean I don’t like the way it is usually, but I’m not balding?” Jamie replies.

Tyler laughs. “Okay, that’s a start. Name ten things and do it everyday. Not the same things though! Oh, let’s google how to gain confidence,” he says, pulling out his phone.

“I don’t think it works like that,” Jamie says, smiling fondly at Tyler. He pulls this intense face whenever he gets serious, his brows furrowed and his mouth tightens. Jamie thinks it’s the cutest fucking thing in the world.

“Ah hah! Read this article, there’s a whole list of things to do,” Tyler says, shoving his phone in Jamie’s face.

Jamie scrolls through the list, stopping at a point that would be near impossible to achieve while living with Spezz. “Make your living space clean, comfortable, and attractive?” he reads outloud.

“Attractive? Guess you should put pictures of me everywhere,” Tyler says, smirking.

“Ha ha.” Jamie locks Tyler’s phone, but not before texting himself the article. “You’re hilarious.”

“But see? I said it with confidence.”

“Yeah, well it’s easy when you look like that,” Jamie says, looking Tyler up and down.

“We just talked about this,” Tyler complains.

“Right. I’m hot,” Jamie says.

“Good.” Tyler smiles at him.

“Do you really think that?” Jamie asks, tilting his head to face Tyler.

“Yeah, Chubbs. I really _really_ do.”

“Huh.” Jamie ponders this for a bit. Tyler finds him attractive. Maybe he’s blowing smoke up his ass, but judging by the blush on his face, maybe he really does mean it?

***

The semester wraps up quick. Jamie heads home to BC for the summer while Tyler goes back to Toronto. It’s hard being away from each other for the first few weeks, but they FaceTime often enough that it’s like they’re in the same room still.

Jamie’s taken the list Tyler googled on how to gain confidence to heart. He fixes the easy things like getting a good amount of sleep everyday, taking better care of his hygiene, and making his living space clean, comfortable, and attractive. 

The other things on the list take a lot more effort. When he confides in his siblings one night when they’re drunk on some cheap wine, they make it their life’s mission to help.

To do something outside of his comfort zone and spontaneous, Jordie convinces him to get a matching tattoo that spans across his forearm. That eventually leads to Jamie getting a few more scattered across both of his arms. He digs into his savings to cover the cost of them. All the money he receives for his birthday helps too.

Jenny drags him to a salon to get a haircut. She has a friend that works there who not only cuts Jamie’s hair, but shows him how to style it and points him to the right products to use.

Jenny also takes him on a shopping spree, it’s not as extravagant as they are in movies, but he learns a lot more about clothes. Once he ditches his oversized shirts with missing collars and basketball shorts for a fitting shirt and a jacket with a nice pair of jeans, his confidence immediately goes through the roof. There’s something to be said about dressing how you want to feel. The more effort he puts into his outfit choices, the better he feels throughout the day.

When he doesn’t spend time with his siblings or FaceTiming Tyler, he spends it in the gym. He even starts emailing the school team’s nutritionist for advise on what to eat during the offseason.  
So when mid-August rolls around and Jamie’s back in Dallas for his senior year, he’s looking a hell of a lot different than he did back in May. He’s feeling a lot different too.

This year he’s living in the hockey house after much convincing from Tyler. They banded together and also convinced Spezz to move in. They all get their own rooms since a lot of their teammates from the year before graduated.

Jamie’s met with chaos when he enters the house on his first day back. Guys shuffling around with boxes, unpacking and cluttering up the whole house.

“Benny!” Rads shouts when Jamie pokes his head into the living room. Rads and a few of the boys are playing Xbox from the couch.

“Rads! Missed you, bud,” he yells back, going over for a hug. 

“Look at you!” Rads says, pulling back and looking Jamie up and down. “Since when are you a tats guy?” 

“Tyler’s been rubbing off on him,” Spezz says, walking into the room. He runs over and tackles Jamie into a chokehold. 

“Fuck off,” Jamie manages to squeeze out.

“Leave him alone!” Tyler shouts, appearing out of nowhere and prying Spezz’s hands lose from around Jamie’s neck.

“Boyfriend to the rescue?” Karls asks, laughing.

“What? It’s official?” Miro asks from the couch, looking back and forth at Jamie and Tyler.

“We’re not dating,” Jamie says once Spezz lets go.

Tyler hauls him into a crushing hug. “Not for a lack of trying,” Tyler jokes.

Jamie pinches his waist and laughs as Tyler yelps and jumps three feet away. “You got mean over the summer,” Tyler whines.

“No, I got hot,” Jamie says, actually believing his words. He can look in a mirror and admire himself now, he’s come a long way in just a few months.

Tyler grins and stares Jamie up and down, eyes landing on his biceps. “I mean you always were, but like, yeah,” Tyler says.

Spezz cuffs a hand around Tyler’s neck and jostles him. “Close that mouth or bugs will fly in.”

“Are you sure you guys aren’t dating?” Miro asks, looking frustrated.

“We’re sure,” Jamie responds, walking over and high-fiving all the rest of the guys who’ve made their way into the living room. A lot of them do double takes when they see him and Jamie thinks if this keeps up he might end up having a bigger head than Tyler.

Jamie grabs his things and heads to his room, Tyler trailing behind him.

“We’re neighbors,” Tyler says, running over to Jamie’s ensuite bathroom and opening the door on the other side that leads to Tyler’s room.

“Connecting bathrooms?” Jamie asks. “Are we in a 1990’s romcom?”

“We could be,” Tyler says, giggling.

“When did you get in?” Jamie asks, ignoring Tyler’s comment.

“Few hours ago,” Tyler answers, coming over and hoisting Jamie’s suitcase onto his bed. “I can help you unpack.”

“Thanks, man.”

Tyler takes out Jamie’s clothes from his suitcase and places them in stacks on his bed. “When did you get so much shit? I don’t think I’ve seen you wear half of this stuff.”

Jamie shrugs. “Jenny kept taking me shopping and I had a load of stuff at home that I never really wore. Thought it’s about time I changed things up.”

Tyler grabs something and shrieks. “This is a speedo!” he yells.

Jamie looks over from where he’s rearranging his desk and shrugs. “Yeah.”

“You wear speedos?”

“I haven’t before but-”

“But you’re going to?”

“Maybe.”

Tyler’s mouth flops open and stays that way for so long that Jamie can see drool coming out of it. “I think I’d die,” Tyler finally says, wiping the drool away with the back of his hand.

Jamie laughs at his antics. “Stop flattering me.”

They go back to unpacking. Jamie makes sure to grab the speedo from his underwear pile and set it aside. He might not currently have speedo-wearing confidence, but it is getting up there.

“Oh, this is sick,” Tyler says, unfolding a shirt. It’s just a button-up, but the navy color and small flower print make it. “Can I try it on?”

“Sure,” Jamie says.

Tyler takes of his shirt in a matter of seconds, but seems to struggle to button up the navy shirt.

Jamie swallows as he takes in the sight of a bare-chested Tyler wearing his clothes. “Need a hand?”

“These buttons are wack,” Tyler defends himself.

Jamie goes over and slaps Tyler’s hand away from where he’s about to rip a button off. “You got jacked,” Jamie says, admiring Tyler’s abs.

“Me?” Tyler squawks.

“Yes, you,” Jamie says, pointedly staring at Tyler’s chest.

“Well, I guess.”

“You look good, Ty,” Jamie says, smiling at him as he does up the last few buttons. “Real good.”

“Yeah?” Tyler asks, sounding breathless.

“You’ve got an ego the size of the state,” Jamie jokes. “I’m not gonna inflate it anymore.”

Tyler pouts. “Tell me how hot I look, Chubbs. Compliment my eyes!”

“Eat a dick,” Jamie says, shoving Tyler away, both of them laughing.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Tyler says, rushing back over to Jamie, eyeing his crotch.

Jamie runs away laughing. He sprints down the hall and hides out in Spezz’s room. 

“Everything okay?” Spezz asks, unpacking his things too.

Jamie shoulders the door closed and pushes against it to keep Tyler away. “Yeah, just-Ty,” Jamie pants. “Wants to eat my dick.”

Spezz’s eyebrows shoot up. “That shouldn’t be a problem, should it?” he jokes.

Jamie stops feeling resistance against the door and as soon as he realizes Tyler probably left, he’s barreling in through Spezz’s ensuite bathroom that’s likely connected to Miro’s room judging by how he trails after Tyler with a puzzling look on his face.

Tyler tackles Jamie to the ground and they start wrestling.

“Jamie’s got like 50 pounds of muscle on you, Tyler. I would call uncle,” Spezz spectates. 

From the corner of his eyes, Jamie sees Miro shake his head. “Not dating, they say.”

***

In the ensuing weeks, Jamie gets a lot of attention from girls at school and a few guys. He’s all about _Mission: Get Over Tyler_ this year so he flirts right back with the guys, even collecting a few numbers before the classes officially start.

Jamie taps the Starbucks barista’s number into his phone and heads back to Tyler with their coffees. “Another number?” Tyler asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“Yep. He’s hot, eh?” Jamie asks, looking back over at the guy who’s name tag says Adam.

“I guess,” Tyler says, shrugging.

Jamie’s noticed Tyler going quiet a lot lately. He’s getting strong jealousy vibes, even though Tyler has nothing to be jealous of. He rakes in enough numbers on his own.

“What’s up with you lately?” Jamie asks.

“What?”

They make their way outside and start heading to class. “You get all cranky when someone even bothers to give me the time of day,” Jamie explains. “Jealous that I’m getting some of the attention?”

Tyler shoves his shoulder. “Of course not.”

“Then what?” Jamie pushes.

Tyler shakes his head. “Nothing. Everything’s all good.”

Jamie doesn’t believe him. He can tell it irritates Tyler that people don’t fawn all over him like they used to. It makes Jamie feel simultaneously good and bad. Good because that means he’s actually in Tyler’s league now, but bad because obviously he doesn’t like seeing his friend upset. It reminds him of back when he joined the team and all the guys kept gushing about his skills. Tyler seemed pretty ticked off when it happened.

“You sure?” Jamie asks.

“Positive, Chubbs,” Tyler answers with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

***

A month into the semester, Jamie’s binging the The Good Place with Tyler, both tucked into each other as usual. Jamie invested in his own twenty dollar janky projector and with the help of Spezz, managed to hook it up so that it played on the only relatively blank wall he has. It’s nothing too glamorous since Jamie’s closet is right in the middle of the screen, but it works.

“Jamie?” Tyler asks, head resting on Jamie’s shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Remember that conversation we had in your room last year about your type?” Tyler asks.

Jamie remembers, he remembers clearly. “Yes,” he drags the word out, unsure of where this is going. If Tyler found a guy for Jamie, he might just combust.

“You described the perfect guy and I asked if you’ve ever met anyone that was anywhere close to what you were looking for?” Tyler asks, running a hand up Jamie’s arm.

Jamie nods, incapable of speaking.

“You said no. Do you remember?” Tyler asks. “Were you lying?”

Jamie stares at him, face blank. He doesn’t understand why Tyler’s asking. What’s his endgame? And why now, randomly in the middle of a show about heaven? Or maybe it’s hell? Jamie’s not really sure since Tyler was playing with his fingers for a good chunk of the second half of the season. 

“What?” Jamie croaks.

Tyler huffs in annoyance and closes the distance between them. He seals his lips against Jamie’s. Jamie sits there frozen before Tyler opens his mouth and pokes his tongue out between Jamie’s lips.

Jamie finally comes to his senses and gently shoves Tyler away. “What the hell?” he asks, confused. “What was that?”

“Shit! Sorry, sorry,” Tyler apologizes, rolling off of Jamie’s bed. “I read that wrong, fuck. I’m so sorry.”

The Jamie from last year would probably accept his apology and spent the rest of his life thinking ‘what if’, but that Jamie doesn’t exist anymore. This Jamie, this confident, strong, and determined Jamie needs answers.

“Why did you do that?” he asks, reaching over and pulling Tyler back down on the bed before he can escape the room.

Tyler groans, covering his face with his hands. “I have feelings for you.”

Jamie’s sure he didn’t hear that right. “For me?” he asks.

“Yes, Jamie. I have feelings for you,” Tyler repeats. 

“Why?” Jamie asks, stupidly.

Tyler rolls his eyes. “Do I really need to list the reasons why? Let’s see, because you’re the nicest guy ever, you’re always looking out for me, you make me feel good, you’re hot-”

And that’s when it clicks in Jamie’s head. Of course it’s because of how he looks. Jamie doesn’t think he’s changed those intrinsic things about himself over the last year since he’s known Tyler. The only thing that’s changed is his appearance and a new wave of confidence, that’s all. 

“I guess I'm just surprised,” Jamie admits.

“Do you, um, by chance have feelings for me too or-” Tyler trails off, looking into Jamie’s eyes.

Jamie hesitates to answer. The honest truth is that he’s in love with Tyler, but Tyler’s probably only feeling lust for Jamie. He doesn’t know how to answer that without changing things between them forever.

Tyler nods at the silence and seems to take Jamie’s hesitation as an answer. “Okay. Alright. I mean it’s just that I thought you- nevermind. That’s okay. We’re cool.”

“Tyler-”

“It’s okay. We’re good. I’ll get over these stupid feelings and we’ll be okay. Everything will be okay,” he says, wringing his hands together.

Jamie puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Maybe we’ve just been hanging out too much lately,” Jamie starts. “You should go out more. See other people. Date. You used to always be out and about when we first met.”

Tyler gives Jamie a watery smile but refuses to meet his eyes. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I’ll get over this. Promise.”

Jamie nods in agreement and settles back down to watch the show. Tyler lies back on the bed, his body a good foot away from Jamie’s.

***

The days following their kiss and Tyler’s confession are fine. Things aren’t as awkward as Jamie expected and they still hang out a lot, but Tyler keeps his distance physically and doesn’t flirt with Jamie anymore.

When Tyler barely hugs him in a celly after he scores one night, Jamie’s had enough. He pulls Tyler into the empty training room while the guys change.

“What the hell, Chubbs?” Tyler asks, panting from having just gotten off the ice. 

Jamie tries but fails to stop his eyes from following a sweat droplets that trails down Tyler’s neck.

“I scored tonight,” Jamie says, shaking his head back into focus.

“Yeah, I was there,” Tyler says, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Were you?”

Tyler huffs in annoyance. “What are you talking about?”

“That celly!” Jamie says, pointing towards the direction of the ice. “What the fuck was that? You barely hugged me, ran away like I had cooties.”

“I hugged you like I always do,” Tyler defends himself. “You’re being paranoid.”

“What about our movie cuddles?” Jamie asks, wincing at saying something that’s unspoken between them outloud. “You stopped those too.”

Tyler just shrugs.

“Tyler,” Jamie admonishes him. “Be real with me for a second. Things are changing between us.”

Tyler sighs. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“But those are things we always did. I wasn’t uncomfortable before and I’m not now.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s more for me than you,” Tyler admits. “If I’m going to get over you, there have to be some boundaries. I can’t just go and be that close to you all the time and keep my sanity.”

Jamie tries not to laugh at that. As if that’s not what Jamie’s done for over a year with Tyler.

“Can’t you just hook up with someone and move on?” Jamie asks. “What about that girl in our Stats class, the one that flirts with you all the time? You think she’s hot, right?”

“That’s not how it works,” Tyler grunts. “I can’t just switch feelings for someone.”

Jamie throws his arms in the air. “Sure you can! Just ask her out. I’m sure you’ll be over me in no time.”

“That’s not how it works!” Tyler repeats. “I’m in love with you.” 

Jamie can feel his heartbeat pulsing in his ears. Neither of them speak for what feels like an eternity.

“You love me?” Jamie asks once he gets his voice to work.

“Yeah,” Tyler says. “What’d you think? That I’d risk our friendship just because I wanted to fuck you?”

“Maybe,” Jamie says, shrugging. “You didn’t act on it. Didn’t flirt with me not nearly as much as you did until I got back from summer. Until after I started looking like this.”

Tyler goans in annoyance. “Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve loved you before we even met! I flirted with you all the time last year but you weren’t reciprocating so obviously I knew where I stood with you. But then you come back to Dallas and start flirting back. Telling me I look good and shit. I thought, ‘fuck, this is it. He likes you, Tyler. He wants this’ but I was wrong. And I get it, okay? I’m not perfect, I’m a mess, but you make me better, Jamie. You always make me better and now I fucked things up between us so much that I-”

Jamie stops Tyler’s ranting by cupping Tyler’s cheeks in both hands and slowly pressing their lips together. Tyler whines into the kiss, hands gripping Jamie’s shirt and pulling them flush against each other. Jamie instinctively moans as he feels their crotches collide, moans even more when Tyler’s mouth opens up and their tongues clash, both eager to taste the other.

The door to the training room bangs open and someone squeals in horror, making them both leap apart. Jamie turns to see Miro standing at the doorway, eyes wide.

“Why here? Such a sacred place!” Miro shouts, and turns to leave, closing the door behind him.

Jamie turns back to Tyler who’s touching his lips and shaking his head. “You shouldn’t have done that. Fuck, Jamie! Why did you do that?” 

Jamie decides it’s time he’s honest with Tyler and channels all of the confidence in him to say, “Because I love you, too.”

“Since when? Last week, you said-”

“That night you invited me to the party, when I met the boys. I fell in love with you when we were falling asleep,” Jamie says.

Tyler blinks at him. “Like _love_ love or-”

“ _Love_ love,” Jamie reassures him. “I’m in love with you, Ty.”

Tyler swoons and closes the space between them once again. “I used to stalk you, y’know?” he says, wrapping his arms around Jamie’s neck. “I saw your gear bag at your dorm one day and hounded Spezza until he told me your practice schedule. Not so I could come check out your skills and recruit you, but because I just wanted to see you. I mean I’d seen you around before and you were hot and all, but I always assumed you were straight. Spezz told me you weren’t and I knew I had to find out more about this hot gay hockey player. It was never about hockey for me, that was just an added bonus.”

Jamie nuzzles into Tyler’s neck and smiles. “You stalked me, eh?”

“I can’t believe you never noticed. I followed you around like an idiot, even after we became friends,” Tyler says, carding a hand through Jamie’s hair.

“I thought you were like that with everyone. Like that’s just Tyler being Tyler.”

Tyler tugs on Jamie’s hair to make him look up. “I don’t flirt like that with everyone, Chubbs. Can you ever think of a time where I went after someone like that relentlessly?”

Jamie tries to think back but it’s hard to concentrate with Tyler’s lips hovering so close to his. “I thought you were always joking.”

“I’ve never said a single thing to you that was a joke, Jamie. I meant every word.”

Jamie kisses him gently before Tyler pushes him down on a weight bench, straddling Jamie’s lap. Tyler’s lips work their way down Jamie’s neck and to his throat. He reaches to pull Jamie’s shirt up when the door slams open again.

This time, they don’t leap apart. Tyler turns to look at who intruded, so it’s Jamie’s turn to suck on Tyler’s exposed neck.

“Oh man, I thought Miro was lying!” Spezz shouts, covering his eyes. “Go home! Get a room!”

“Who’s fucking?” someone asks before shoving Spezza out of the way to poke their head into the room. “Gross! That’s like walking in on my mom and dad!” Ben says, running away.

Jamie sucks on Tyler’s neck one last time before gesturing for him to get up. In the distance, he can hear Ben telling everyone what they’re up to and Miro going on and on about the sanctity of the training room.

“Let’s go home,” Jamie says, tugging on Tyler’s hand.

“We gotta shower and change first.”

“I don’t care, I can’t wait,” Jamie says, pulling Tyler flush against him so he can feel the effects he has on Jamie’s body.

“Fuck, fine,” Tyler groans.

“Besides,” Jamie says, licking a strip of Tyler’s neck again. “I like you sweaty.”

***

So maybe Jamie wasn’t all that wrong about finally being himself at college. It just took him a while to be comfortable with who he was. 

Jamie’s still funny, albeit a bit shy, talkative after he gets to know someone, and kind. But now he can add confident to the list.

And cross out single.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](https://live-in-fury.tumblr.com/)


End file.
